Wedding Dress
by Hermies818
Summary: It's the night before Kensi's wedding to the wrong man, so she spends it in the arms of the love of her life. One shot


**So this is my first attempt at an NCIS LA fanfic. I discovered the show a few weeks ago thanks to a box set of DVD's at a friends place and since then I have been obsessively binge watching it and am completely and totally in love with Densi. Definitely a new favorite couple! Normally I write for Grey's Anatomy so this was a challenge, I hope you like it. (Title and story idea come from Matt Nathanson's song _Wedding Dress_)**

* * *

The passage of time is impossible to stop, it's the ultimate fait accompli. No matter how many books you write or paintings you paint or baby's you make in an attempt to prolong a small part of you, time marches right past them all until each and every last reminder you were ever there is long gone. Even a diamond, the symbol of eternal devotion, will eventually turn to graphite after enough time. Thousands of years ago man developed a way to measure time, reasoning that if we can't stop it from moving then we can at least see how much time has passed and maybe how much we have left. And so the ancient Egyptians gave us the sundial, the French gave us the hourglass, and the Germans and the Swiss perfected the art of clock making. Hundreds of billions of devices, some nothing more than a stick in the sand and a few stones while others magnificent creations made with the pinnacle of craftsmanship and precision, all of them created to mark the passage of time.

* * *

As she lay naked in the dark apartment, her body pressed up against his warm body, Kensi Blye sent up a desperate prayer to whatever god there was to just stop time and not let the daylight come. The clock on the bedside table read shortly before 1:00 AM and yet here she lay completely awake, unable and unwilling to fall asleep.

Beside her, also naked, lay the one man she knew she would love for the rest of her life. He would be the first thing she thought of when she woke up in the morning and the last thing she thought of when she went to sleep. Unfortunately for all parties involved, he was also not the man she would be marrying less than 24 hours from now.

"You should get some sleep." He spoke, startling her. She thought he was asleep. "You've got a big day tomorrow."

"How'd you know I was awake?"

He chuckled sadly. "I knew because I know you Kens. I can tell by the way you breathe, by the touch of your skin, by the beat of your heart. I knew because I love you Kensi."

"I shouldn't be doing this. I don't love him, not like this." She told him.

"I know Fern." He sadly whispered in her ear.

She rolled into her back and stared up at the ceiling. "Deeks?" She released his name into the air, savouring the way it felt on her lips. "Will you be there tomorrow?"

"You know me Kensilina, I'll always be around." He offered up a small smile. But his head was swirling with questions. What if they'd acted on their 'thing' sooner? What if Hetty had never sent her to Afghanistan? What if she'd never been captured and been put in a cell with her long missing ex-fiancé? What if Jack hadn't suffered such a huge mental destruction that he thought he was still engaged to her? What if his mind had been strong enough to let her go?

* * *

While time is a cruel and unforgiving master, the twin powers of fate and chance can often be just as painful and sometimes infinitely more so. It had been over ten years since Jack had walked out of her life and in that time, she had gradually moved on from him. She'd found a job she loved, she'd reconnected with her mother, and she'd even opened herself up to a great love affair, or at least, she'd started too.

But all that changed once she'd been captured by the White Ghost. She'd been thrown in a dark, tiny cell for weeks before her team had rescued her. So far away from home, imagine her surprise when she discovered that the man sharing the cell with her was the same man who had broken her heart all those years ago. She didn't know how he got there and neither did he, he just would mutter incoherently, only partially recognizing who she was.

When they'd both been rescued, it became clear just how extensive his mental damage was. His mind, already hampered by his previous PTSD, was now irreparably damaged. In his mind they were still engaged and were set to be married. It was advised by his psychologist that any attempt to change this fantasy that his mind had constructed would cause him to become extremely violent, to himself and to anyone else, and that the best course of action would be to play out the fantasy and hope he comes around eventually. That had been four months ago.

And so Kensi found herself in an impossible situation. Marry the man she no longer loved and save him from himself, or leave him and let her heart lead the way. In the end he knew which one she would pick, she would pick the right one. He wasn't angry with her, in a sense he was proud that she was strong enough to do such a thing, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

Yes, fate and chance can be the most painful masters of all.

* * *

"So where do Nell and Michelle think you are tonight?" He asked softly as he lovingly traced the contours of her body with his hands. Tonight was supposed to be her bachelorette party, something that Jack had insisted on her having.

"They know where I am." She admitted softly. Deeks just nodded and closed his eyes as he tried to forget about what would happen in the morning.

"I can stay." She rolled onto her side so that she was facing him and her eyes lit up with a desperate plea. "I don't have to show up tomorrow. You and I can run away, we can leave all of this behind and start all over. Just you and me." She sniffed and wiped the tears from her cheek.

"We can't do that Kens." He whispered softly. "It's not strong enough."

"I'm strong enough Deeks, my love for you is strong enough." She protested.

He reached up to move a few loose strands of hair out of her face. "I know it is Kens, and I know you are. You're strong enough, but he's not Kensi. You need to do this for him, do it for Jack." He swallowed the sob rising in his throat.

"I love you so much." He drew in a raggedy breath as they just lay there, watching each other, memorizing each line, each curve, each detail of the others face. "I love you, but he needs you."

"I need you." She pleaded as the tears rolled down her face again.

"You'll forget about me Fern. You'll forget about me and you'll be happy with him." He told her.

"I will never forget about you Deeks." She said harshly. "I can't, not even if I wanted too." She took his hand and moved it to her stomach.

"Will you tell it about me?" He tried to imagine the little life that he knew was growing inside of her, their little life. She sniffed and nodded.

"Every day, I'll make sure it knows you." She assured him. No one else knew she was pregnant, not even Jack. She wasn't that far along, only a few weeks, three at most. She was planning on letting Jack think it was his, try and preserve his fragile mental state, but she knew that this child was 100% Deeks and Kensi.

"I'm thinking about resigning from NCIS." He confessed.

"Deeks..." She sounded surprised.

"I can't keep working there Kens, we both know I can't do it with you and I don't want another partner. I could never ask you to leave, but if I stay there neither of us can move on."

"I don't want to move on!" She cried as he pulled her closer to him.

"I know." He shushed. "I know. But we have to." He squeezed his eyes shut, not caring if he started crying now.

"So what, you're going back to LAPD?" She looked up at him with fear in her eyes.

"It won't be so bad." He reassured her. "I may not be mister popularity over there, but they can keep their own safe." She tightened her grip around him.

"Stay safe, please stay safe Deeks." She mumbled into his neck.

"You too princess, you too." He kissed the top of her head.

As they lay there, holding each other tightly, desperately, he silently began to plead. Plead with fate to let her go and let her come back to him, plead with chance to let their baby grow up knowing how much their daddy loved it, plea after plea, each one more desperate than the last. His final plea, as he looked down at her, was for time to stop and just let them stay in this moment with her for the rest of time.

* * *

Despite all his pleas and despite all her prayers, time didn't stop. It just doesn't work that way. Time never stops, it never slows down, and there aren't enough pleas and prayers in the world to change that. Eventually the morning sun would work its way through the blinds and the offending daylight would separate them for the last time. Time marches on, wedding dresses and tuxedos are donned, and hearts break into a billion pieces.

* * *

**So there it is. Did you like it? Did you hate it? Can you please review it?**


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